the conclusion

does marcus get the girl?
new illecism lol


So like I was saying I Bitched out...again lol

I just thought this was pointless...im mean in all honesty
I wasn't going to even call this chick lmao

and thats when it hit me...this is why I was put on this earth
this is what it means to be a man

not to raise a family or fall in love

but to pick up girls in your local mall and never ever ever call them


I let my friend in on this recent discovery and he agreed while also telling me to hurry my ass up

I stop and try to gather my thoughts

Im lost I needed some guidance

so I call up my mentor....the man who taught me everything I know about seducing women
he was the first to introduce me to the art of Phone Intercorse(rofl j/k j/k its just a buddy of mine chris)

he picks up..I tell him the situation and he leaves me wit these most inspiring words

"If ya want it go get it ya digg?"

no joke...he literally said those words lmao

I thank him for his warm words of wisdom and hang up

we make our way back towards the store but im still unsure of myself

suddenly I get a case of A.D.D. and notice that there is a sunglasses store
right next to the one of my beloved selling a pair of Ray-Ban Shades

I get sidetracked and head into the sunglasses store to check em out

I try em on look in the mirror and realise what a masterpiece of a man I have become rofl

I feel this way for about 20 sec...then I take a look at the price $139 plus tax

I am thrown back to reality and realise what a complete bum I have become as well

so me and my boy head out the store defeated

he looks at me with that "its time to get the fuck outta here look"

but im still unsure of myself...I start pacing back and forth in front of the sunglasses shop

all the while arguing wit my friend in laughter

during this time I notice the store clerks(2 white chicks ya dig?)

peeking at us with these akward faces out of the glass window
I think nothing of it and continue the halarious and pointless arguement
wit my friend

min later 2 cops show up to the store and apparently have a talk wit the clerks
I notice this and recall the akward looks on the clerks faces earlier

I could sense something wasn't right

thats when the 2 cops storm out the store towards us

"HEY WHY ARE YOU GUYS WALKING IN AND OUT OF THE STORE FOR?"

I hit em wit the WTF? face like this

"What are you talking about"...

he goes on to tell us about how the store had just got lifted
and had been lifted 5 times already that day

one of the clerks actually watched a man rob the store and nearly was fired for her fuckery lmao dumb broad
so apparently the clerks were nervous and accused us of plotting to jack the store

this angered me and all I could think of as he was talking was

lmao anyway me and my boy explain to him that we had only been in the store
one time and had no intentions of robbing the place.
especially me
I mean im standing there in a light teal polo shirt, shorts, and laceless vans wit no socks lmao
besides the fact that im black..I certainly did not have the look of someone prepairing to shoplift

the cop informs us that the clerks are just a bit paranoid and that it would better if we could just move somewhere else..we agreed and proceed away from the store as well as my beloved lol

at this point we are both drained and are ready to get out of this racist invested hell hole lmao

I go into macys to take a piss all the while revisng the day so far in my head

I realise how stupid all this was and pointless...its just a girl
so what if she thinks im a complete weirdo for pretty much
stalking her for 3 hours

fuck it IM A GOOOON!!! you can't offend a Goon

so I grab my nutz with pride...look at my friend and tell him im ready

we make our way back towards the store making sure to stay as far away from the sunglasses store as possible lol

I stop in front of the store out of site take a deep breath
that pep talk in the bathroom did nothing

because I was nervous again but I said fuck it
turn the corner and enter the store

we make eye contact...im nervous as shit
im expecting an akwardly response like ummm what are you doing here
or worse getting jumped by security lol

but thats when she hits me wit a big sigh of relief as she says

"Hey ur back waz up"

PHEW!!! no akwardness at all
infact she seemed happy to see me lol

I respond back but then she leaves me standing there to
help a lady asking about a purse

AAAAHHHHH FUCKING COCK BLOCKERS THERE EVERYWHERE!!!!

I look like a complete idiot at this point standing there alone for all the mall to see
im starting to get the inch to leave again lol

I tried to play it off but its point because if you remember earlier I had already confessed
to the chick when I first came into the store that I wasn't there for purses or jewls but
to speak to her

im about ready to dip out ya dig?

but then the lady leaves...I make my move

I go up to the chick and ingage her in convo
we stand there talking about the day
and boredom and purses lol

all the while im thinking DANM I BET YOU LOOK GREAT NAKED

she goes on and on about how much she loves purses and how many she has
and what not

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! lol

I realise that the convo is going on long enough
Im preparing to ask her for the digits I need to
seal the deal now..thats when she hits me wit
the Sting Ray Technique:

Me:yeah my mom has a LV purse...its fake tho lol

her: lol...oh really...my boyfriend bought me a real colorful BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

boyfriend?






THE END

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